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I don't remember faces, just a feeling of disorganization, intensity and terror. The next thing I remember was crawling in the hallway by myself. She was not at all absent; in fact, she said she never left my side.However, in my memories, my mom is not as prominent as my father is. A few years earlier we all took a long trip to England together.My three older siblings taught me to question authority and to think independently. I was hurting so bad and I was starting to get cold and tired. I didnít know why, but I wanted the kids to look away. I didn't feel anything that strongly, maybe it was because I was on heavy medication, maybe because the physical pain was too much for me to feel anything else. Getting shot hurt, but the recovery was much worse. At the time I just wanted life to go back to normal.After we got back to the classroom I sat down at a table with some friends to begin the test. All I knew was that I was in pain and I was scared. I remember thinking that this must be some sort of safety drill. An adult swooped into the hallway, picked me up and took me into another classroom. Maybe I had to turn off my emotions and just focus on surviving. I would later learn that I would spend the rest of my life understanding the emotional significance of this event. I wanted to get the hell out of the hospital and be better.
Suddenly, I heard loud noises and a flurry of commotion. I remember my dad being very interested in the doctors who were treating me. I know that my mother was having difficulty accepting what happened and that it was a very hard time for her.
There was another kid in the hospital that I got to know. It was kind of like we were inmates, locked up for the summer. At Highland Park hospital where I was recovering I felt pretty isolated.
Most of the other kids who got shot were sent to Evanston Hospital. At least we could have hung out and maybe tried to make sense of things.
When I learned that I had passed the road portion of the test, I was very happy, but was still nervous about the upcoming written portion. They looked really weird and looking at them gave me the chills.
I was insecure because I knew I was neither the most disciplined nor focused student. As the youngest of four siblings, I got away with things that my older siblings would not have. It was like a silver centipede climbed onto my stomach and its claws were stuck inside of me. In the hospital, my parents did their best to explain what happened. They told me that several other classmates were shot as well. I also really disliked the tube that went through my nose and into my stomach. It felt like everyone else was out enjoying the summer and I was stuck in bed. It felt horrible that I was stuck in the hospital during summer break.